Poor Parking Skills

30 Nov

What the hell is wrong with you?

An Open Letter to those with poor parking skills.

Alright, let’s just get this out-of-the-way. Why is their still people who park like this?

Hey, how long have cars been around? Almost a century, doesn’t matter how old you are, you aren’t the first automobile owner ever. How long have you been driving? Unless you started within the last week you really don’t have an excuse. So it’s not like this driving/parking thing is necessarily new to you, is it?

Take a look at this…


What a Douche

Now you probably thought you were being cute, sorry nobody you’re not. Take away the irony of your gigantic, non-compact, vehicle double-parked in the compact designated spots and you’re still a douche bag.

I see parking jobs like this an a whole variety of vehicles regardless of their size. But its the giant SUV drivers that get me every time. In cases like this you’ve got a humongous vehicle, that would feel right at home driving over rusted out Pintos, Festivas, and Metros in a Monster Truck event, and you’re parking it like you inadvertently gouged your eyes out with the gear shift on your way to your destination.

So…what’s your excuse.

“My car is just so big I can’t see around it”

Are you serious? So not only do you park like a moron you have the logic of one as well, bravo. If you’re vehicle is so big that you can’t park it properly…get a smaller vehicle.

Parking by Stevie Wonder

“I’m in a hurry”

How long does it take to park a car? 30-seconds. If it’s taking you longer than that, you may want to ask for help, perhaps from a driving instructor. Even if I’m in a hurry I don’t find myself not having enough time to park in a single (keyword there) spot. I guess if your hands were missing, say your pet tiger felt like a snack while it lay in the back seat, it might take you longer but then if your hands are missing you might want to avoid driving altogether. Putting all that aside, if you’re in a hurry and that is what makes you park horrifically, maybe you should have, I don’t know. Given yourself more time! Is your life so hectic you can’t even muster the half-a-minute or less necessary to park properly.

“I just don’t care”

If you’re so entirely arrogant that these are the words uttered when someone points out your asshat parking job then perhaps you should reevaluate your importance in life. Cause, I don’t know if anyone’s shared this with you yet, you’re not this important. This one is probably going to be one of the rarest responses as it seems you must own a luxury sedan/overpriced sports car to gain this attitude and in these economic times you don’t see that very often.

So to those that park like Neanderthals, and you know who you are, stop lying to yourself. The first step is admitting you have a problem, the doors have been opened for you. Not by me, but by other sites, dedicated to the fine art of bad parking, here and here.

If you’re in a hurry, slow down or give yourself more time. If your vehicle’s too large, get more mirrors, a smaller car or a CDL driver as a chauffeur. If you just don’t care, start. If you refuse to admit there is a problem and take corrective actions, how about this. If you’ve just finished parking, get out and take a look at how you’re parked. If while looking at it you find yourself saying, “if I saw someone else park like this and it prevented me from being able to park in the spot next to them, I’d be furious.” Then get back in your vehicle and try again. We all make mistakes, but instead of ignoring it and hoping it’ll take care of itself, act like a human being and fix it.

That’s all for me, if you park like this and I’ve offended you…good, maybe it’ll be the push you need to make some changes. If you know someone who regularly parks like this print out some of the parking violations from here.


Sites linked in this article



Posted by on November 30, 2010 in General


4 responses to “Poor Parking Skills

  1. Ryan

    January 19, 2011 at 9:46 PM

    Buick? Are you sure it wasn’t Nick from the past?

    • Nick

      January 20, 2011 at 8:07 AM

      Even Nick from the past knew how to park.

  2. Pat Reagin

    December 2, 2010 at 11:49 PM

    I’ll share a personal story.

    I went to Kroger Georgetown two days prior to Thanksgiving to pick up one item. The parking lot was naturally packed. As I begin my third tour around the lot searching for a parking spot I see two open spaces. One of these spots is about to be filled by an oldish lady in a (no shocker here) Buick, leaving one spot for my mid-sized SUV, right? Wrong. Mrs. Old Lady Buick takes up both spots. As I pass by her car, (spewing four letter words that my 4 and 3 year olds should probably not hear) she happens to exit her car. I come to a screeching halt, roll down my passenger window and (in my nicest, kindest, most patient voice) I inform Old Lady McBuick that she is double parked. She tells me that she’ll only be a few minutes as she is merely picking up a few things in the pharmacy. I calmly remind her that the lot is FULL and ask that she move her car. She says that she is parked in the 15 minute pharmacy spot and will only be a minute. Once again I remind her that while I am not going to the pharmacy and therefore will not be parking in the 15 minute spot, that there may be other people who might want to go to the pharmacy. Oh, the thought had never crossed her mind.

    Well, she did move her car, I did move on, and I did eventually find a spot to park. I got the spot that some douche had left one of those alternative lifestyle tiny carts sitting in the middle (I stopped in the middle of the driving lane, got out and moved the cart prior to parking in the spot). I then proceeded into Kroger with my children where we promptly bought one squeeze bottle of Kraft tartar sauce and waited in line for fifteen minutes to be checked out.

    I love fried fish.

    • nick2600

      December 3, 2010 at 8:51 AM

      It’s nice that after seeing the light she actually moved her car. A lot of people would have just flipped you off and left their vehicle right where it was at.

      I cannot stand when people just leave their carts in perfectly good parking spots. I mean, how lazy can you be, these days you’re never more than a few hundred feet from a cart carrel. It couldn’t take more than a minute to walk it over, run if you’re in a hurry, and safely place the cart where it won’t do any damage. Recently saw somebody leave their cart next to their car at a Big Lots. The parking lot was sloped and shortly after they drove off a gust of wind pushed the cart down the slope. I watched the cart gain speed and nearly miss a few vehicles before it rammed into the back of someone else’s vehicle. I would have chased after it and stopped it but I was too far away to make it. Some people have no respect for other’s property.

      Seriously, what is with Kroger, the one near our house is just as bad. You walk in the store, lines are short, by the time you get your few items, lines are backed up to the aisles. You could use the express lanes, but those are generally staffed by cashiers that would be jealous of a sloth’s agility.


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